either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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