I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
