He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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