I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
