i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
