i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
how drunk are you?
Several
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
