Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
