we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
