you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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