My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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