No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Less talking, more tequila
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize