Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
