woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
