im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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