honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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