I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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