I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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