ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
