This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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