Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
