I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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