Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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