Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
