My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
