I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
