this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
