laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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