my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
