Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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