dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
