Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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