Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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