he thought i was a dude.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
