At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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