My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Randomize
