found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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