You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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