don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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