I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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