Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
