You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
