Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
