Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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