wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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