I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
