My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
