he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
