between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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