I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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