He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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