What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
