Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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