this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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