She is in my trunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
