No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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