my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
