she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
