Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
