Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
