..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
