i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
