She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
