please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
