My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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