Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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