Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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