guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
