I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
